An open letter to Kingsmill and associates

Dear Fuckwits,

I appreciate that's a very strong way to begin a letter, but that's where we are, you and I.

I have watched all three of your recent adverts (www.kingsmillconfessions.com) and on serious reflection I am convinced that these are easily the most stupid adverts on British television this year.

I do not believe that anyone, outside of the cast of Les Miserables, has ever had a bread-related confession. The very notion of secret bakery product escapades is farcical - but unfortunately not farcical in a way which entertains or amuses.

The advertising people at Saachi have managed to cook up an advertising campaign which is so unbelievably moronic I feel it necessary to both chide and punish you for spending more than £10,000,000 splashing it all over my TV. There is nothing I can do to Saachi, and little I can do to Kingsmill - but I am nevertheless going to act against you with my full consumer powers.

I will never purchase, or eat, another loaf, another roll, another baked product, produced by Kingsmill. And at any point in the future should someone ask me to make a bread-related recommendation, I will favour your competitors.

Mend your ways!

Yours faithfully,

David F Porteous